Uh – Oh, she’s writing again! Over the past few days, I have had a few different scenarios that have really gotten me thinking. No comments from the peanut gallery please. I have been on quite the journey. It started with the suspension of the Clothes Closet at my mom’s church. I had a van full of clothes that I tried selling, hoping to raise enough money to start a new ministry. That did not do as well as I hoped, so I started a fundraiser. I got so little support from it, it is ridiculous. People who I thought would order, the ones that wear the crosses, have Jesus bumper stickers on their cars and go to church on Sundays, raising their hands and shouting Thank you, Jesus, did not support me much …. If at all. In fact, many of them tried to talk me OUT of doing the fundraiser. Even though I knew what a hypocrite was, I really know now.
I had sent my aunt a flyer and a letter letting her know about my Fundraiser. She and my mom spoke yesterday and she told my mom she is unable to help because she has been hit up so many times as everyone is selling candles and candy. I am your niece. Your family. If this were your two youngest granddaughters selling you would expect everyone in the family to buy from them. They are family. They are your grandchildren. They are your favorites. Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes.
My mom spoke to my aunt’s daughter-in-law yesterday. Yes, that would also make the daughter-in-law my cousin. She was told that my aunt had been asked to tell a group of people about my 18 year old cousin’s high school graduation back in May. We were on the list of people she was suppose to tell. Everyone got told, but us. Yep, that stings. But thank you, Jesus, for opening our eyes.
To say that I have been disappointed by people would be an understatement. I have been disappointed, frustrated and down right mad. But thank you, Jesus, for the journey of learning what to do and what not to do. I know now who will support me and who will not. I have learned the need to set boundaries. I have learned that once set, people will always be pushing them and that they will always need to be reestablished.
In the midst of this journey, I am facing another one. A sad one. My great grandmother has entered Hospice care and she does not have long to live. Difficult – extremely. Thank God for caller ID. I hold my breath when I hear the phone ring until I know who is calling. I expect the call. When it will come only God knows. I know when the time comes I will be able to handle it. But it’s not a day I look forward too.
Thank you, Jesus, for the journeys and the lessons they have taught me.
My mom and a very dear friend of mine are left handed. Growing up, I use to wonder what it was like to be left handed in a world that seems to be made for right handed people. Yesterday, I was in desparate need to do laundry. Now for most folks, this is not much of a challenge. However, when you are dependent on a wheelchair to get around and must use a laundry room, this is more than challenging.
My mom and I set out for the laundry room. Mom had her basket of clothes in hand and I had my basket resting on my lap. Rolling through the hallway of the hotel to the elevator went smoothly. Outside, I rolled down on ramp with no trouble at all. Then, I went to roll up onto the sidewalk across the street when it happened. My wheelchair was unable to get up the ramp due to the ramp being damaged. My wheel hit the edge, sending my basket of, thankfully, dirty clothes crashing to the ground. To complicate the process, there is a row of shrubs right in front of the ramp making it difficult to even take the ramp at an angle. I struggled and struggled to get up the ramp on my own, but to no avail. My mom put her basket down and came back to get me. It was difficult for even her to pull me up the ramp due to the row of shrubs. We managed and was able to get the ultimate goal accomplished – laundry got done.
This experience got me to thinking how challenging it is to be a disabled person in an able bodied world. Yes, we have preferred parking spots and ramps to help us get up onto the sidewalk. There is the American With Disablities Act, which protects us from discrimination. However, many places, like the hotel we live in, not only put me in the second building, opposite of the lobby, do not have automatic doors, making it difficult for me to get in and out. The parking lot, as with most parking lots I find myself in, is slanted. I am either going downhill fast with no way to stop or struggling to get uphill. I have found more than one handicap ramp that has had some sort of damage done to it. If the ramp is not damaged, the curb where the ramp is located has a valley between where the sidewalk ends and you enter the street. Wheels tend to get stuck when that is the case. And don’t even get me started on how unfriendly carpet is to someone in a wheelchair. It’s a good day when I see a place that has a bare floor.
While I am grateful to have the assistance of a wheelchair, my goal is not to remain in it forever. I do want to walk again and am working hard to make that happen. Let us hope I reach that goal before I lose my sanity!